forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
