We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
