You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
