He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
