i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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