At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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