Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think my fart just growled at me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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