my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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