Cold hands, warm shart.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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