oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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