Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
