My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
