I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
