Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
