yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
