Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
