That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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