finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
there is glitter all over my balls
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
