you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
