He disabled his match.com account in front of me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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