yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
