Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
