he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
