i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
