if i can run in heels then i can drive
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
