I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
