I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i think my cat just said my name.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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