my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
