I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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