I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
