Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
