I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
