i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
