the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
