First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
