dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
