I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
