let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
