my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
