Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
