I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
