she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
