Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
