no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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