There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
