Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
