So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
