he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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