Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
