dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
