Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
